End

I give up, I don't know how to get people to connect with and read my blogs. Obviously I am doing something wrong, perhaps too academic, targeting the wrong audience, who knows. There will be no more posts on this blog as I cannot be bothered just writing for myself. My book is more important.

Kindles

Amazon has updated the kindle app and it is causing all sorts of issues. I have just spent almost an hour on the online chat and in the end the technician gave up trying to solve my issues. He has promised to report it to the developers. Apparently there have been a lot of complaints. I still need to figure out where all my free books have gone, having won them I need to be able to read them. Looks as though this may be a long saga. Given it is so difficult to access the menus I may get very angry with the app, especially when it shuts one book when I open another and moves it back to the beginning of the book.

I have been very slow to enjoy my writing lately, distractions have taken precedence over buckling down and working. I need to get back to it before I lose my momentum completely. I hope the longer and warmer days will allow me to spend more time thinking, researching and writing. I need to get my story out there, it is very important.

Last night I watched the last episode of The White Princess, a series which has at times bored me but also fascinated me. Derived from a Phillipa Gregory novel, the costumes were superb, the storyline interesting if at times unbelievable, it was not historically correct but has led me to read up on the monarchs of the time. The cruelty was stunning, overwhelming, vicious, and totally unnecessary. Thankfully we have moved on. It might encourage me to read some of her other books.

I often wish I knew how long people write for, research for, and how much time is spent in meanderings which become plans and changes in their scripts. I am sure people do not write all day, nor do they spend hours trying to fill their time doing other things. I need to get busy with my researching, this will help me to formulate a real outline plan for my book. I also need to read a few more writing books, this may help me to focus. perhaps I should start with Stephen King's book on writing.

If no one reads this blog soon I may have to abandon it like so many others I have started. I am unsure how writers get followers, obviously I don't have the knack. Very disappointing, despite catchy titles and bookish input, my high level of education does not seem to attract people to investigate my blog. Perhaps I am boring! 

Long Books

I am still reading Mosaic by Diane Armstrong, a very long and complicated book. I get lost as to who she is talking about and she switches from past to present which is quite confusing. I am not sure why authors make it so difficult to follow their story, especially with such a long tome. I feel they know their own story so well they don't contemplate how difficult it will be for a reader to keep in touch unless they read the book for long sessions each day. I loved her other book and assumed this one would be written in the same racy style.

I wonder how writers choose a style for each of their books. I am still contemplating how to write my book, as I progress with the writing and research I am not sure if I should divide it into sections, by subject, whether to use the different types of abuse or just write a story which includes the abuse. It must be difficult unless an author has a clear picture of what they intend to write from the planning stage. My book has changed from one of adoption to narcissism and emotional abuse. This has entailed far more research than I had anticipated originally and much more thinking and analysing.

I have read several of Sir Lloyd Geering's books and was interested in how the interview with him last night on TV was so bland. Anyone who has followed his theological thinking over the decades would know this was a very poor representation of him. I guess any in depth philosophy would have been irrelevant given that those of us who know his are aware of this thoughts. As for moving house at the age of 99, well done!

I have a huge pile of books sitting next to me about the theoretical perspective of adoption, I need to get into reading these with my magnifier. I need some notes about this part of my life and to wind it into my writing. I wonder what other books I will delve into, observe, analyse to get to the end of section one. This random thought comes as I contemplate beginning to write again this week after a week of illness pervaded by no energy and no interest in anything much. Viruses are such cruel beings, they strike without warning and take weeks to get over. I think mine has been combined with sleeping with my neck crooked which has made it more difficult to get well again. Back to the books!

Adoption

As an adopted person I have read a lot of books about adoption, both positive and negative. I enjoy the 'Lost and Found' type of television programmes where family are reunited, often feeling great envy when they develop really close and loving relationships. The books by Nancy Verrier, herself an adoptive parent, are very enlightening. I often feel I have written her books as they reflect much of what I feel about my own adoption, and how it has been used against me by my ex husband. Adoptions are not all love and joy. The feelings of the tiny baby and its perceptions of not belonging as they grow are seldom acknowledged. This forms much of the basis for the first section of the book I am writing.

I am reading a very interesting book at present, though am rather slow as I struggle to keep track of the various branches of the family and the time changes.



Beginning in Krakow in Poland, and spanning 100 years and five generations, this book is a testament to Diane Armstrong's tenacity and research abilities. I am still at the beginning having just moved into WW1, but want to sit and read it with understanding and compassion. This sort of book fascinates me as it reflects what family is truly about. All the personality clashes, differences in families joined in marriage, cultural norms, a feeling of belonging that the adopted seldom own and often deny.

There are many books about family, searches for shetels in rural Poland, Diane's other book about this part of Poland is described in detail in her book 'The Winter Journey'. Finding family is paramount to many. I have found family and am writing about it, but it is not always easy.  I delight in these books which dictate how life should be lived, but not when one is ejected from one's true family and deposited in the norms of another.

This has been an interesting weekend with the discovery of how my daughter produces her art. I provided her with water-colour paper, paint, metallic pens and similar and watched as she produced two lovely works of art. Unable to read due to her intellectual disability she finds an outlet in her art work. I am beginning to wonder how extended she is as some suggestions I made for using the watercolour paint seemed to fascinate her. When having a coffee she devoured the art books I keep here for her. I am sure there is more to discover of her abilities and desire to absorb knowledge.

Many of the writing websites I belong to seem full of people who like me procrastinate but also other writers who seem unable to make decisions about their writing. I wonder if this is normal, I know what I want to write but often struggle with the format. So I just keep writing and hope a clear passage will become part of the process.

Me Too

This post is a slight diversion from my others about books and literature. I have watched with interest the revelations about the ogre in Hollywood who has been praying on young actresses. Like many people I wondered why such famous people had allowed this to happen but read a piece yesterday which said he approached them when young and vulnerable. This still leaves me to wonder why as they became famous and could speak their mind these women did not speak up. Were they so afraid of losing their careers they allowed this man to continue to prey on vulnerable young women. What gives any man the right to do this and why is their power allowed to manipulate such a confident young group of women.

I have entitled this blog post 'Me Too' as I experienced sexual abuse at the hands of my ex-husband. As I learn more about the damage his narcissism has done to me, his need for an overdose of sex and inability to understand my refusals after many years of abuse  were based in anguish and fear. I no longer wished to be intimate with a man who treated me as an object of his desires, a woman so fearful he ruled my whole being. This has left me fearful of any men and subservient to any in a place of power. I find it very difficult to sit near a man, touch one in a friendly manner, and unable to have more than a fleeting friendship with men. So I applaud the Me Too movement but would be reluctant to paste this on my Facebook page for fear of reprisals. Those who are famous can expect only support, but us lesser mortals can become the object of trolls and disbelief at our claims. I hope this phrase allows braver women to bring their abuse out into the open.

I wrote a long blog post several days ago which somehow disappeared. I had attached several photos which may have been the cause. I have been watching reruns of Jane Austen's wonderful novel, Pride and Prejudice. Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle have, I am convinced, provided us with the best portrayl to date of Mr Darcy and Elizabeth. I have been so enraptured by the series I have been watching some of the main clips again on You Tube.

I think it is sad that English literature no longer seems to be taught in our secondary schools. While it is essential that students read and understand modern literature I have yet to find a book described as literary fiction written more recently that gives me the same thrill as the likes of Jane Austen or the Brontes. As these books are still taught in our universities, often as examples of good writing and the ability to absorb themes into stories, nothing today even surpasses or comes near the good literature.



I have read several new pieces of literature and the only book which stays in my mind is 'All the Light the World Cannot See'. This is a work of absolute gifted writing and storytelling. I would recommend it to anyone. I am surprised it has not been turned into a movie yet, though I guess a movie could do little justice to the words which fly from the pages and express themselves into our souls. I hope he is writing another book which will take the world by storm again. While Dan Brown is not the creative literary author many claim him to be his books are of the sort one cannot put down. I have just purchased 'Origin' for my kindle, I hope I can find a quiet weekend to read this when little else will get done.

Unread Books

I have many books on my kindle, over 400. Even this does not stop me purchasing a book which sounds interesting. I know I need to read faster and get through as many as I can each year. I am sure there are many other people in the same position, we are bookaholics who no longer need to use libraries and love the selection from Amazon or other online book websites.

Many of these books live up to their promise of being interesting, the kind one cannot put down, informative, stories full of human interest and passion. I have left novels on my kindle for ages thinking they looked boring only to find I cannot bear to go and do other things as once started the book has gripped me in its tentacles. Stories of the vast Australian panorama, war stories of people escaping the grip of the Nazis, books about people rising above some trauma in their lives, fun stories of travel and adventure. As I trawl through the kindle app looking for my next good read I pass by some that are enticing and others that look uninviting. Often I move it up an down several times before choosing a book which looks interesting.

Once chosen I delve into these books immediately hoping to be transported to another world far away from my mundane existence. On more than one occasion lately these books have disappointed. I got almost a third of the way through a book titled 'The Jew Store' until I began to realise I was bored. I do not have a penchant for American stories. This book is now sitting watching me in the hope I may decide in a rash moment to return to it soon. I moved on to 'My Father's Gardens'  which seems to have very little to do about gardening but is more about the lifestyle of a young girl whose father moves them constantly between Israel and the United States for work as a Professor. It is a very interesting account of a childhood growing up in Israel as she mentions little of her years spent in the US. Her mother is very controlling and even when she was doing her compulsory military service threatened to ring the colonel and ask him to escort her daughter home. This level of control took some moving around and the daughter finally seems to be finding ways to avoid her mother's overbearing ways. Interesting, I realise I have little knowledge of the author's name, I think it is Karen.

I find myself critical of people who feel kindles are the wrong way to read books, without a kindle app I would have little access to new and exciting reads, to older books I want to read to expand my knowledge on a subject, and the chance to read something light and frivolous. They are a real boon to the blind and vision impaired allowing us another level of equality.

Audio Books

I rely on audio books and audio magazines for a lot of my reading. I am very grateful there is such a wide range of books now available in this format. Initially I was reluctant to read by listening but when a neighbour left one evening and said she was going home to read in bed I decided it was time I put my reservations to rest and turned on my talking book machine. This opened a whole new world of reading to me, even though at that stage I was still able to read a book with reasonably large print, albeit rather slowly.

When I bought an ipad with the kindle app I had no idea how my world of reading was about to expand. While reluctant to change settings at first and nervous about using a new piece of technology I soon found the button which enlarges fonts and have continued to up size the font as my eyesight has deteriorated. This means I can read any book available to the general public who purchase e-books. If my eyes are being particularly difficult I can also turn on Voice Over and listen to the book.

I also have an app on my phone called Booklink which is available to members of the Blind Foundation to download books onto. I only use this infrequently as I still prefer my own private talking book machine. the Victor Reader Stream. Having my phone in my bedroom at night when it may beep or similar or turn on its backlight for a message I would find very annoying.

Narrators are another issue. Last night I gave up on the lovely book about Raoul Wallenberg as I could not stand the narrator's continual hesitation when reading and continual saying 'quote', 'end of quote'. I am sure it made no difference to the reader if it was a quote. I don't often give up on a book but this one was just too difficult to listen to. I then changed to a book about a New Zealand flying doctor which was much more interesting. I used to feel guilty about deleting books but now that we have such easy reproduction via digital technology I believe life is too short to read a book that is being poorly narrated.