Audio Books

I rely on audio books and audio magazines for a lot of my reading. I am very grateful there is such a wide range of books now available in this format. Initially I was reluctant to read by listening but when a neighbour left one evening and said she was going home to read in bed I decided it was time I put my reservations to rest and turned on my talking book machine. This opened a whole new world of reading to me, even though at that stage I was still able to read a book with reasonably large print, albeit rather slowly.

When I bought an ipad with the kindle app I had no idea how my world of reading was about to expand. While reluctant to change settings at first and nervous about using a new piece of technology I soon found the button which enlarges fonts and have continued to up size the font as my eyesight has deteriorated. This means I can read any book available to the general public who purchase e-books. If my eyes are being particularly difficult I can also turn on Voice Over and listen to the book.

I also have an app on my phone called Booklink which is available to members of the Blind Foundation to download books onto. I only use this infrequently as I still prefer my own private talking book machine. the Victor Reader Stream. Having my phone in my bedroom at night when it may beep or similar or turn on its backlight for a message I would find very annoying.

Narrators are another issue. Last night I gave up on the lovely book about Raoul Wallenberg as I could not stand the narrator's continual hesitation when reading and continual saying 'quote', 'end of quote'. I am sure it made no difference to the reader if it was a quote. I don't often give up on a book but this one was just too difficult to listen to. I then changed to a book about a New Zealand flying doctor which was much more interesting. I used to feel guilty about deleting books but now that we have such easy reproduction via digital technology I believe life is too short to read a book that is being poorly narrated.

Voices of the Dead

I love music almost as much as I love books. I have listened to classical music all my life and remember feeling guilty as a teenager when I could not follow the trend and enjoy loud and tuneless music. I soon discovered that many other teenagers also enjoyed 'real' music and I have never looked back. The furthest I have strayed is into musicals which I love, they move my soul.

Yesterday while in a taxi the driver started talking music after I told him I took my guide dog to concerts. Expressing concern for Jay's hearing I explained I only went to classical concerts. He then told me he had learnt classical Indian music for 6 years which was very different from Western music. I was fascinated and as he talked and he explained they are taught that the sounds of the octave notes are the voices of the dead. Fascinated, I checked out google at home and could find no reference to this in any of the different octave origins of Asian music. Perhaps it was something which was said to this chap when he was learning music to encourage him to see the ethereal side of music. I will be interested to discuss it with him again next time I am in his taxi.

Each year for 4 years I have kept a 'Year of Reading' diary. I list the books I read, the author, and whether I read it on my kindle or Victor Reader Stream. The number of books I have read each year has increased and last year I read 89 books. I doubt I will make that number this year as with only 3 months to go I am in the early 60's. This may be due to having read several rather long books and occasionally taken some time out from reading just to give myself,  or at least my eyes, a rest. At present I am listening to a book about Raoul Wallenberg which has an incredibly boring narrator and includes lots of quotes which he states each time. There is no flow and it is so boring I have no interest in listening in the middle of the night. Frankly, it puts me to sleep. This is disappointing as this is an amazing story which needs to be told. How many young people today know this story and the amazing courage this young many displayed to save so many Jews in the Holocaust. His disappearance into the Soviet Union has always remained a mystery though may have a far more ordinary answer. The Russians murdered him as they did so many other people who opposed views expressed by people who had an integrity they did not possess.



I am doing a lot of research for my book at present. It is very therapeutic to learn that what I experienced fits so concisely with what is seen as the norm for the behaviour of a narcissist. My 31 years of pain, emotional abuse and loss of identity are so typical of what many women suffer at the hands of these abusive men. I find the research easier than the writing though it is time to start fitting the theory in with my experiences and to make my words sing.
 

Election Impass

Having voted in our latest general election we are now left with an impass and a politician who loves holding the power over the whole country having to make up his mind who he will back. I spent the day yesterday so tired after staying up to watch the results which seemed to be getting nowhere that much of the day was spent reading.

The first book I ever bought for my kindle was 'Painter of Silence'  by Georgina Harding which has sat there unread for 4 or 5 years now. Last week I decided it was time to investigate this book which is set in Romania in the 1950's and was long-listed for the Orange Prize. I found it a difficult read and at times was considering not finishing it. It was full of descriptions and long passages which did little to add to keeping the story line going. I was not sure about making a deaf mute painter the subject of a novel but then wondered if I was being too sensitive. I did learn a lot about the poverty experienced in Romania after World War Two and the impact the Russian occupation had on the ordinary rural citizens. There was not really a theme running through the book that gripped me but I am glad I have read it and can now move on to other long term residents of my kindle app. I am left to wonder what criteria are used by the judges of these prestigious writing prizes. Do the books have to be unreadable, the sort one cannot put down, or are they works of craft and art which are stand alone but almost too dense to be understandable. Many of these books never seen to be heard of again and have low sales despite prestigious reviews, I certainly look at the content now before purchasing. I have a book that won the Booker Prize a couple of years ago still to read, perhaps it is time I spent some time working through all these supposedly wonderful books. 
 
Much interest is being taken in the movie Victoria and Abdul, plus the second series of the TV drama Victoria. I wonder if there will be made for TV movies in the future about Queen Elizabeth. She has led such a restricted and quiet life and deprived her subjects of any real insights into her personality I am sure they would have to invent material for a movie. Our present queen seems to have ruled with a frugal iron hand and with no fun allowed to explode in the corridors of the palace. Their restriction on the media has meant that there is unprecedented interest, yet if they allowed the press access to photos and stories as the European royals do there would be less mystique and more reality. Queen Victoria and Judi Dench seem to be one in the same in our minds now. Not only does this reflect a wonderful performance but a respect to the sovereign. Perhaps it is time for a new series about other past royals, possibly not even British. Doing the research and writing for such a series would be wonderful.

As I continue with my writing I am still struggling with the sad and difficult memories that are being forced to the surface. The healing is in many ways still to come, but  I am beginning to realise the deep pain which still resides within my being.

Cookbooks

I love cookbooks! I had a special shelf built in my kitchen to hold my rather large collection of both books, old and new, food magazines and my own book of recipes I pick up everywhere, particularly from the TV where I am devoted to the food channel.




This is one of my favourite cooks who lives here in New Zealand. I won a copy of this book when I went to a cooking demonstration she gave and it is personally signed. My copy is getting a little dog eared from use but has many practical recipes and a plethora of handy cooking hints. Since my first experience with Annabel's recipes I have collected most of her new books and often make recipes from them.



Her recipes are easy to follow and contain ingredients that are usually easy to obtain. I need to keep an eye out for her next book, I seem to be missing the last one she published.

I also have lots of very old cookbooks; The Australian Women's Weekly cook-book from about 30 years ago which a cat messed on and I spent ages cleaning, cookbooks produced by organisations such as the Women's Division of Federated Farmers, Every Girls Rally and the Heart Foundation. I have books dedicated to chicken, slow cookers, Italian and gluten free cooking. Do I use them all you ask - there are very few I have not used several recipes from, or adapted recipes to ingredients I have in the cupboard.

My biggest spend over recent years has been the magazine 'The Healthy Food Guide'. I have hundreds of these magazines having been a subscriber since almost the start of its publication. Last time I was in Scotland I even saw a British version of the magazine. As my eyes have deteriorated I have found it increasingly difficult to read the magazine as the print is so small. I am considering cancelling my subscription but wonder if this is an appropriate thing to do. I have no wish to buy the digital edition as I cannot peruse the recipes and am stuck with having to read it in a way which is more difficult.



While writing this I have contemplated how I can change my eating habits for this spring and summer. I have got up and taken down two of Annabel's books off the shelf and will continue to read the HFG when I take a writing break. Great cooking everyone!

Memoir Writing

I am writing my memoir. It explores a life with many negativity's and is a beacon of hope for me. Writing has allowed me to express the many hurts, losses, frustrations and loss of self I have experienced. I have a life which has been one of many stresses and strains to the point where the writing of these things has meant months of counselling. I am finally finding myself, discovering where my journey will now take me. I have discovered it is ok to be me!

My story is one of adoption, grief, losses, emotional abuse predicated on me by a narcissistic husband, suicide, and finally freedom. Difficulties with writing are interspersed by taking long breaks when the words will not come or are too difficult to put on paper. Words are my life but sometimes their passage is halted by the spaces between them. I have learnt to accept these spaces and dwell on them, to find the words and let them free. My story is unique, a journey into both the past and the future. I need to be strong and self reliant and to enjoy the spaces and gaps.

I am also reading several books about emotional abuse, well written and informative, they are providing me with a solid and concrete background to my story. Again, I can only read short pieces
at a time, the strength of the counsellor's words in the book are invoking a depth of understanding I wish I had learnt when I was suffering at the hands of my abusive husband. Affirmation that I am right, that my story will help others is my motivation and strength. His descriptions of similar situations and men who abuse because they think it is their right have made me feel real.

Writing memoir is a fraught genre. I belong to several Facebook pages about memoirs, memoir writing and authors who follow this genre. What some of them consider to be a memoir frightens me, one I tried to read was nothing more that a description of her various house moves.  Many are light, repetitive and frankly boring. I have read too many 'moves to France', 'my illness and survival', and general descriptions of daily life with chickens, frogs and unmentionable cats. Memoir is meant to enlighten, educate and tell stories of courage and conviction. I often weed books out of my kindle after several pages and descend on a good novel rather than a horrifically boring memoir. There needs to be some regulation among self publishing to ensure that money is not wasted when people buy these books which think they are good quality memoir writing.

Rare Books

'Without words, without writing and without books there would be no history, there could be no concept of humanity'. -Hermann Hesse
The comments below this quote on a writing page I belong to said it was racist, I cannot  see how given it covers oral history and the many ways people pass on their lineage through either the written or spoken word.

It reminded me of a visit I made in 2007 to the Edinburgh University library rare books room. Months earlier I had read a book called 'Out of the Flames'. It was the story of a medieval Spanish humanist , doctor and theologian, Michael Servetus. He had penned a heretical work of biblical scholarship called the 'Christianismi Restitutio' in an attempt to refute the orthodox Christianity of the protestant reformer John Calvin. Servetus was tried for heresy in Geneva at the behest of Calvin and was burnt at the stake on a pyre of his own books.

I had talked my way into the library showing them a just expired student card for the university I had recently graduated from in New Zealand. A student of philosophy, I really wanted to see this book in its glass cage. It was with much surprise  I was taken to the rare books room and after a short wait handed their copy of the book, one of only three left in the world. I was even more surprised to discover that I was holding John Calvin's copy, the one he used to try and execute Servetus.

Although the books was written in Latin I turned each page carefully and absorbed every detail. Using my travel notebooks I made notes about damage to the book, copied Calvin's annotations and savoured every second with this precious and rare volume. Several of the corners had been burnt, did Calvin flung his copy into the fire and then have second thoughts and rescue it? Could Calvin ever have imagined that a bibliophile from a far away as yet undiscovered country would be so fascinated by the story of Servetus she would dream of seeing his book.

I spent almost an hour with the book, turned every page, and eventually realising there was little more I could do reluctantly returned the book to its box and handed it back to the librarian.

This is both a travel and book related memory, without these words written down with such care and thought and the kindness of other book lovers in Scotland this avid reader would never had had such a wonderful experience.

Live in Books

I was recently asked where I lived, not literally, figuratively, and without a seconds hesitation said 'in the pages of a book'. Yesterday I found this wonderful quote 'I don't just want to read books, I want to climb inside and live in them'. I find this so representative of people who love books and reading, and also the writers who enthral us with their carefully crafted words. Do other people feel as thrilled by the words such as book, writing, word, novel, writer, journalist. Do other people love shops which sell all kinds of pens and paper and when there is a sale on find it difficult to resist adding to the collection of journals, spring bound books and wonderful pens. I have a whole shelf of books to write and plan in, making a choice for a new project can be excruciating. I have piles on my kitchen table to record things in, to make research notes, to plan my life and to 'hold that thought' process.

I find it difficult to understand people who don't devour books, who have no desire to live within the pages of books. To settle there and become at one with the story. Disappearing into the world of another, whether is is fiction or non-fiction, is so exhilarating it is better than any kind of drug. Curling up on a cold day with the heater on and disappearing into an unknown world is wonderful.

I had someone visit on Monday who struggles to read a book, who tries but is not very literate. I tried to persuade her that the more reading she does the more literate she will become and her choice of book will widen. Unfortunately I got a response I get from so many others I try to explain the joys of reading to, 'but I am not like you, I can't read like you, You are different'. I find this very sad and explain that yes, while I have always loved books and was encouraged to read it only requires practice, desire and attention People need to find books that fill a passion, to sit and disappear into another mind, country, journey and life. Why is reading no longer encouraged in the way it was when I was young, why do women like the one who visited me fail to see the ecstacy that can be gained from living in the pages of a book.

I just received a Facebook message about Michael Hingson who escaped the Twin Towers with his guide dog Roselle. I had the privilege of meeting Michael and having a photo taken of my guide dog with his, a real honour. His book Thunder Dog is about his journey with Roselle, and explains his thoughts and feelings on being saved by his precious guide dog.



As a guide dog handler I love books about service animals, and often find You Tube videos about the role they play in their handlers lives. I hope more people write about these animals, I have written a long story about my guide dog which I hope to have published one day.

I intend to discuss authors and books in this blog, but want to also explore the philosophical aspect of books and their contents, the authors, and thoughts and feelings about writing. I just looked at the wide variety of books I have to read on my talking books machine, books which range from Jeffrey Archer's Clifton Chronicles  to Arctic exploration, Raoul Wallenberg and The Handmaid's Tale. I want to crawl into these books and explore their very being.

Literature is my Utopia

This quote, by Helen Keller, represents much of what I am as well as other people who love, live and breathe books and words. I wish I had more books and have always wondered what it would be like to collect rare and first editions. I love the smell of books, the words whether modern or old fashioned, they are to be caressed, looked at and held with reverence. Books and literature are definitely my utopia.

This love of books goes back to my childhood when my Dad used to bring home a new book for me every time he went to town. I don't remember this as he died just after my fifth birthday but somehow he recognised that my future lay with the written word. I am sure they were just little books, probably Golden Books or similar, and perhaps some versions of books he had read as a child. Some of them were pop up books, those when you opened a page a picture popped up which was attached to the page. I loved these representations of the story and received several from my English grandmother when I was small. The first time I visited the library I devoured Beatrix Potter and had to be forcibly dragged away to also choose some other books.

Are children encouraged to read today as avidly as I did? I have heard of tiny children so used to seeing books on an ipad they try to flick the pages of real books. School libraries seem to have been downsized and the children's section of public libraries are much smaller and also lend videos and all manner of other material including comics nowadays. Groups, either for pre-schoolers or during school holidays, where books are read and games played always seem popular but where are the big numbers of children? Our own public library is closed for earthquake strengthening and our city's readers are reliant on small suburban libraries. This is not encouraging young readers nor those who find absorbing and understanding words very difficult.

What sort of books do you enjoy reading? My early introduction to books evolved into a lifelong love of non-fiction. Not only did this offer a great general knowledge but taught me much about the world. In the last five years I have become an avid reader of good quality novels as well, often finding them more relaxing that trying to absorb lots of facts which are now of little relevance to me. Books surround me, invade every space in my home, cover the coffee table and are crammed into bookcases. I cant bear to give them away or even lend them for fear of losing them to those people who forget they borrowed them in the first place. Literature is definitely a utopia.

Introduction

A Woman of Letters - This is defined as 'a woman who is devoted to literary and scholarly pursuits.' This describes me and I am starting this blog to share my voracious reading, my writing, my love of words and how they have impacted my life. Writing and reading are my life although I have many other interests. I love listening to classical music, cooking, knitting and travel.

I am also legally blind and have a beautiful golden retriever guide dog named Jay.

 The chocolate Labrador in the photo is my first guide dog Chocolat who is now 14 years and eight months old.

I am writing my memoir, a story of adoption, control, loss, emotional abuse and lost children. It is very difficult to research and write so for light relief I write travel stories for a travel website, stories about my dogs and family stories. I retired in February determined to write my story to help and support others in a similar situation.

You may be wondering how I read. I have a small personal talking book machine onto which I download books from the Blind Foundation. I have a kindle with over 400 unread books on it and with a large font can read using this. I also read books and magazines using a special app called Booklink. When I discovered I was losing my sight my biggest fear was not being able to read, this has been allayed and I now read even more widely and deeply.

My plan for this blog is to discuss books, writing, all literary pursuits and include snippets of my other interests. This is for women of words and letters.